‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫Previously on "Awkward."
‫[ALL GASP]
‫-I [BLEEP] your girlfriend.
‫-Everyone is talking about you.
‫Your secret blog, not ‫so secret anymore.
‫-You humiliated me.
‫[HONK] Jenna Hamilton tried ‫to kill herself, again.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): I was ‫dead-- metaphorically speaking.
‫Like Sylvia Plath, ‫I'd taken my own life.
‫Except while hers ‫ended in an open,
‫mine ended on the internet.
‫My blog was no ‫longer a safe haven,
‫so there was only one ‫way I could take refuge
‫in the internal ‫slaughter in my head.
‫I had to put pen to paper.
‫Turns out releasing ‫my blog to the public
‫was not the answer ‫to my problems.
‫Once again, I was a pariah.
‫And even though I hadn't ‫forgiven my mum for writing
‫the letter, she was ‫wise to my guilt trips.
‫So I couldn't ‫expect she would let
‫me stay home, which ‫meant I had to insure it.
‫-Mum, I have a fever.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫My hand wasn't
‫the only thing getting ‫hot and bothered.
‫My mum was too.
‫Suddenly, I didn't need ‫to play sick anymore.
‫I was sick, and I needed ‫to escape before I was
‫confronted with what ‫I expected to see.
‫My mother with a--
‫-Dad?
‫-How are you feeling?
‫-Uncomfortable.
‫-Understandable.
‫It's probably a little ‫shocking to see us together.
‫Seeing you together, ‫not so shocking.
‫It's more of where and now.
‫-Just, uh, talk to us.
‫-What's going through your head?
‫-Your boobs.
‫Might want to belt up.
‫-I thought you ‫were dating Hanna.
‫-I wasn't, which is why I ‫came over to clear things up.
‫-And you did.
‫[GROWL]
‫[GIGGLE]
‫-Are you guys back together?
‫-We're working it out.
‫-Right.
‫There's still work to do.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫And if that work
‫was going to happen ‫in the house,
‫I had to vacate the premises.
‫-Right, well, I am ‫feeling much better
‫now, so I'm gonna ‫head to school.
‫-Well let me get dressed.
‫-She can drive herself.
‫-She is not driving ‫the slut waggon.
‫That thing will only bring ‫her negative attention.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫Car or no car,
‫negative attention was about the ‫only attention I could expect.
‫-You sure you're feeling OK?
‫You don't look so good.
‫-I'm fine.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): I wasn't.
‫But how do you tell ‫your mum you're
‫about to walk into ‫a public lynching?
‫-Really?
‫-Well, there're a couple small ‫things that happened recently
‫which are making me a ‫wee bit apprehensive.
‫-Bitch!
‫-Like that.
‫-Don't call my daughter a bitch!
‫-Not her, you.
‫-What's going on?
‫-So Jake broke up ‫with me, and then
‫caught me making out with Matty.
‫Which shouldn't ‫have been a thing,
‫cause I was technically single.
‫But he thinks I'm a cheater ‫because he didn't know that I
‫was with Matty before ‫I was with him.
‫So he thought that we were ‫seeing each other while I was
‫seeing him, that him being Jake.
‫Following?
‫So I exposed my blog ‫and basically everything
‫about myself.
‫And I didn't realise that there ‫would be collateral damage,
‫which I guess would ‫have kind of definitely
‫involves you and the letter.
‫-Everyone know I ‫wrote the letter?
‫-You're disgusting.
‫-I know it seems like ‫to do this on purpose
‫because things aren't ‫resolved between us.
‫But I didn't mean to hurt you.
‫-Have a nice day, Honey.
‫-We need to talk.
‫-I can't, not now.
‫-Please let me say my piece.
‫Writing that letter ‫to Jenna was terrible.
‫-Agreed
‫-And cruel.
‫-I get it.
‫-No, you don't.
‫But I do.
‫Because despite how ‫together I may seem,
‫I was once a misfit too.
‫Yeah, I know it's ‫hard to believe,
‫but these were not always smooth ‫sailing for this old kemo sabe.
‫And do you knew who ‫always lifted me up?
‫-Your mother.
‫-That's right.
‫And let me tell you I was ‫pretty heavy back then.
‫I had a tendency ‫to eat my feelings.
‫But no matter how heavy my ‫load, or my ass, my mother
‫could always lighten it ‫with her unconditional love.
‫Because that is what ‫good mothers do.
‫They love their kids, ‫they don't tear them down.
‫Well dog, I really ‫expected we were
‫on the road to being besties.
‫But now I-- I don't think ‫I can even be your friend.
‫-What kind of day ‫are we looking at?
‫Lunch in the bathroom?
‫-Nope.
‫I'm clear for quad exposure.
‫I'm back in with ‫the Mafia, big time.
‫They got make parents ‫to buy me a car.
‫-You're kidding, why?
‫-It's a peace offering.
‫Becca's scared [BLEEP]-less ‫of you, and by proxy, now me.
‫-Why is she scared of me?
‫-Because putting yourself ‫up for public consumption
‫is like bat shizat on crack.
‫You're the scariest kind ‫of loose cannon, Jenna.
‫You're a suicide bomber.
‫-I wasn't trying ‫to blow myself up.
‫-Motive doesn't matter, ‫but mission accomplished.
‫Your social suicide ‫scared everyone silent.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫I assumed it was
‫merely the calm ‫before the storm.
‫And as such, I was ‫battening down the hatches.
‫-Watch it!
‫Jenna.
‫-Sorry, Julie.
‫Julie.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): I had hit ‫the hornet's nest-- the Julies.
‫They were power brokers.
‫The kind of girls who could ‫make or break a reputation
‫with a simple smile or a smirk.
‫Nobody wanted to mess ‫with them and I definitely
‫didn't want them ‫to mess with me.
‫-What you did was ballsy.
‫-And psychotic.
‫-It was a mistake.
‫-No, the mistake was ‫teaching Matty for Jake.
‫Team Jake all the way.
‫-Seriously?
‫When Matty showed up at the ‫dance, total penny drop.
‫-Forget you.
‫Nothing trumps the ‫bit with Jake when
‫he decked out his mum's minivan.
‫-It wasn't really a bit.
‫That actually happened.
‫-Whenever.
‫I just loved it.
‫Anywho, got to go.
‫Backup pants are calling.
‫-That was strange.
‫-And unexpected.
‫-She just said backup pants.
‫That was her quoting ‫you, quoting me.
‫Do you realised what ‫had just happened?
‫You've just that it's ‫bitch-backed by Julies.
‫-OK.
‫-You don't get it.
‫You're like a small cable show.
‫You may not have a ‫budget or marketing,
‫but you're ‫interesting and you're
‫catching on with ‫the right peeps.
‫Peeps that get you and ‫care what you think.
‫Nobody cares what I think.
‫-But ironically, they did.
‫I had fans.
‫And they wanted ‫dating advice, fashion
‫tips, and a teenage perspective.
‫Suddenly everyone needed ‫my opinion on their life,
‫and to weigh in on mine.
‫It was overwhelming, ‫and exhilarating.
‫I was a taste maker.
‫-How is the Hamil-troll star ‫rising, while mind falls.
‫The bitch really ‫crossed the line
‫exposing my ‫relationship with Ricky.
‫-I call shenanigans.
‫She didn't ho and tell.
‫Everyone already ‫about you and Ricky.
‫-Ho and tell?
‫Don't make me puke with ‫that side stooge's lingo.
‫-Look, I know ‫Jenna's blog didn't
‫paint you in the best light.
‫But you gotta give her ‫credit, she can spell.
‫-I'm not going to ‫give her credit
‫for anything except ‫inducing my stress.
‫She totally exaggerated ‫Ricky's past indiscretions
‫on that retarded blog, ‫which is why I now
‫have the worst break ‫out of my life.
‫See?
‫-Tia!
‫-Please stop with the slang ‫or I'm going to slap you.
‫Why you looking at me like that?
‫-I don't think ‫you're breaking out.
‫You've been making out.
‫That is a kiss blister.
‫-What the hell is ‫a kiss blister?
‫-Herpes.
‫-This is not that.
‫It's a zit.
‫-Good luck with everything.
‫-You should say something.
‫-What is there to ‫say that hasn't
‫already been said or read.
‫-Good point.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): With all ‫my new found validation,
‫I'd almost forgotten the ‫one opinion mattered most.
‫Make that the two opinions.
‫-Maybe it is a ‫good time to talk,
‫so my new positive ‫approval rating
‫could be rubbing ‫off on them too.
‫Right?
‫-I don't know about ‫them, but it's
‫definitely rubbing off on me.
‫People have been rocking my ‫slanguage left and right.
‫I've heard three Tamarisms it ‫in the first two periods alone.
‫Although, Amy Dubay ‫doesn't really get that
‫a Fail Mary isn't a good thing.
‫Go, talk to them.
‫What's the worst ‫that could happen?
‫-They could spit in my face.
‫-They could, but they won't.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): Turns ‫out my great expectations,
‫not so great.
‫-Hey, do you mind ‫if we switch seats?
‫-I do.
‫I'm not on your team.
‫-I am.
‫You can switch with me.
‫-Thanks, but my objective is ‫to get further from someone,
‫not closer.
‫-Can we trade?
‫-No.
‫-You're lame.
‫No wonder Jenna dumped you.
‫-All right, Frenchies.
‫Miss Kang had an emergency ‫and had to go home,
‫probably 'cause she ate some ‫bad creme fraiche this morning.
‫Some creme not so fraiche, huh?
‫C'est la vie.
‫Well I didn't have ‫time to call in a sub,
‫so you're watching a movie.
‫It's called Jules and ‫Jim, so in case you
‫want to tune out ‫and take a napster,
‫here are the highlights.
‫"Two best friends follow in love ‫with the same woman, who leaves
‫the insecure one for ‫the passionate one,
‫causing friction between them.
‫Then the woman drives ‫one of them off a bridge.
‫-A stupid, suicidal girl ‫comes in between two friends.
‫That sounds familiar.
‫-Oh, it's just like ‫Jenna Hamilton's life.
‫-Except the movie is better ‫because the girl actually dies.
‫-I hope you're taking ‫notes because Matty's
‫not in the wrong, you are.
‫-Listen, I appreciate ‫your opinion,
‫but you don't have ‫all the information.
‫-Actually I do.
‫I read the blog.
‫-Good for you.
‫But there's no ‫way stupid movie's
‫going to give me ‫new perspective.
‫I'm never talking to ‫that [BLEEP]-hole again.
‫[SPEAKING FRENCH]
‫-We should talk.
‫Why didn't you just tell me ‫that the camp girl was Jenna?
‫-I don't know, man.
‫I was still figuring ‫it all out when
‫suddenly you were into her.
‫And every time I tried to tell ‫you, it got more complicated.
‫-More complicated than this?
‫Dude, I don't want our ‫friendship to go out this way.
‫-Neither do I.
‫-So what we do?
‫-We just move on and, we tell ‫each other the truth, OK?
‫About everything.
‫-Good for me.
‫-Me too.
‫(BOTH): Well so you should ‫know-- I still love Jenna.
‫[BACKGROUND CHATTER]
‫-Can you help get me somewhere ‫safe and out of the spotlight?
‫-I got you, J.
‫-Back off, sycophants.
‫Jenna doesn't have ‫all the answers.
‫-But you do have ‫all the answers.
‫-Have you read my blog?
‫I don't.
‫My life is a mess.
‫-Au contraire.
‫That's French for ‫"on the contrary."
‫-I gathered.
‫-Your life isn't a ‫mess, it's amazing.
‫You have friends, a bro-down, ‫and a very nice way with words,
‫which I know because I devoured ‫every last one of them.
‫Virtually speaking, of course.
‫-Of course.
‫-So here's what I need to know--
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): I ‫was bracing myself.
‫-Will you help me ‫write my memoir?
‫-This is getting insane.
‫I'm not a role model.
‫-No, you're a Lifetime movie.
‫Seriously, we should think ‫about adapting your blog.
‫-This isn't a movie.
‫This is my life and ‫I don't have a remote
‫to take control, or delete ‫the traumatic episodes
‫involving Matty and Jake.
‫They're never going ‫to talk to me again.
‫-That's so major.
‫Ma-jor.
‫-"May-jore."
‫Major, "mayjore"-- lose ‫the e and stress the o.
‫-Amazeballs, and so are you.
‫You really dodged a bullet ‫with that Ricky reject.
‫Rumour has it he's rocking some ‫nasty STDs in his sex cretins.
‫-Sexcretions.
‫But he is a cretin, ‫that's for sure.
‫See Jenna?
‫Nothing to worry about.
‫You're on a positively ‫positive upswing.
‫The boys are bound ‫to come around.
‫-No doubt.
‫I mean, it's not like ‫you gave them herpes.
‫-[BLEEP].
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): Finally, ‫the tide had turned
‫and I was about to get the ‫smackdown I had anticipated.
‫-OK, here we go.
‫Lay it on me, I'm ready.
‫-We've decided not to let ‫a girl come between us.
‫-I understand.
‫-So you need to choose.
‫Him or me.
‫[ALL TALKING]
‫-I know.
‫I know.
‫I know!
‫Just let me be.
‫-Mum, I'm home.
‫[PHONE RINGS]
‫-Please don't.
‫-Hello?
‫I'm fine.
‫My mother is not a monster.
‫Has this been happening all day?
‫-Honey, don't worry about it.
‫How about a snack?
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): Apparently ‫my stigma hadn't disappeared.
‫It transferred to my mother.
‫-Mum, I am so sorry.
‫You have nothing ‫to apologise for.
‫I deserve this.
‫-This isn't tit ‫for tat, I swear.
‫-I know, because even though ‫you haven't forgiven me,
‫you have never been cruel.
‫But I have.
‫That letter was cruel.
‫-So why did you write it?
‫-The day I wrote it, my ‫mother laid into me telling me
‫that I wasn't raising you right.
‫And instead of tuning ‫her out, I tuned her in.
‫And I did what I ‫never wanted to do.
‫I attacked you the way that ‫she has always attacked me.
‫And it wasn't right or fair.
‫It was just a family ‫pattern that apparently I
‫couldn't break.
‫I need to call dad.
‫-No, please.
‫Please don't call him.
‫-He can fix this.
‫-I know, but he can't fix me.
‫I'm a monster.
‫-That's not true.
‫-Jenna, your dad didn't ‫stay with me for me.
‫He stayed for you.
‫And while I will ‫always be your mother,
‫and I will always love ‫you, have a choice.
‫You don't have to love me.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫Again, my life
‫was full of unexpected ‫choices, choices
‫that I didn't want to make.
‫-You can handle this ‫with medication.
‫-I don't want to ‫take medication,
‫I want to wring Ricky's neck.
‫-And you should.
‫A real man would have disclosed.
‫He's branded you for life.
‫So should I break up with him?
‫-I don't know.
‫Who else is going ‫to want you now?
‫Actually, a lot of guys.
‫According to the commercials, ‫one out of every four.
‫[PHONE RINGS]
‫-It's my doctor.
‫I'm too nervous, answer it.
‫-Hi!
‫(DEEPER VOICE) ‫Yes, this is Sadie.
‫It's not herpes.
‫-So it's nothing.
‫-Told you so.
‫-I was just about to break ‫up with Ricky thanks to you.
‫I'm going to go before ‫I wring your neck.
‫-Dropped a new word ‫today-- adora-whore-able.
‫-Adorawhorable?
‫What's it mean?
‫-Slutty, yet sweet.
‫-You've heard it?
‫-Unfortunately.
‫Amanda Shillingford ‫said it in reference
‫to me on my out of geometry.
‫-God, I am so on fire.
‫I'm trend setting.
‫-And I'm trending ‫in two categories--
‫#jennapickjack and ‫#jennapickmatty.
‫-Why can't everyone just ‫mind their own business?
‫You need to breathe.
‫And then tell us who ‫it's going to be.
‫-Is it Matty or me.
‫-No pressure or anything.
‫-I appreciate that.
‫-But we need to know.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): And ‫so did everyone else.
‫-I just, I can't ‫think like this.
‫-Then don't.
‫We'll do for you.
‫I can vouch for Matty.
‫He's a good looking guy ‫with a great head of hair
‫and a really big heart.
‫-That means a lot, man.
‫And see it's that kind ‫of thoughtfulness that
‫makes Jake the better contender.
‫He's about the ‫best kind of friend
‫to have around when ‫the going gets tough.
‫-You're no slouch in that ‫department either, man.
‫-I don't know what I would ‫have done without you when
‫my brother went to ‫rehab last year.
‫-And when my mum had ‫they cancer scare,
‫you were right by my side.
‫-I'll be there again.
‫-So?
‫-I've made a decision.
‫You should date each other.
‫Is mum coming to dinner?
‫-She went to bed.
‫-It's 6 o'clock.
‫-She's had a rough ‫couple of days,
‫and she's going ‫to get through it.
‫-With you?
‫-I'm not going anywhere.
‫-Did you only stay ‫with mum for me?
‫-Your mum tell you that?
‫-Yeah.
‫When we were younger, I did and ‫said a lot awful things to her.
‫Things she's forgiven but ‫clearly hasn't forgotten.
‫I wasn't always the best guy.
‫-Let's be real, she hasn't ‫always been the best either.
‫-I know, but you've got ‫to cut her some slack.
‫Because what you don't know ‫is that I wasn't always
‫around as much as ‫I should have been.
‫And when I was, you didn't ‫want me to hold you.
‫-That's not true, ‫you were the only one
‫who could put me to sleep.
‫-With your mum's song.
‫Singing that lullaby ‫was the only way
‫to get you to calm down, so ‫your mum taught it to me.
‫She wanted me to be your hero.
‫-You are my hero, Dad.
‫-And your mum is mine.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): In an ‫unexpected turn of events,
‫I was neither a ‫winner, or a loser.
‫I was a chooser.
‫But someone had to win, ‫someone had to lose,
‫and I was still left to choose.
‫It was a big decision, and ‫not an easy one to make.
‫So I had chosen my mum.
‫-(SINGING) Special, ‫wonderful surprise.
‫Rest your eyes, rest your eyes.
‫What a blessing you have made.
‫-(BOTH SINGING): When ‫you wake, when you wake,
‫strong and beautiful you'll be.
‫Next to me, next to me.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): ‫Next on "Awkward."
‫-If you had a do-over, ‫how would you handle it?
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): A do-over?
‫It was an interesting concept.
‫-I was afraid you ‫weren't going to show.
‫-Wait.
‫-Enough about ‫Matty, I'm pro-Jake.
‫FEMALE SPEAKER: So I'll ‫break it up with Matty,
‫you get rid of Lissa, ‫and we can be together.
‫-Cool.
‫JENNA (VOICEOVER): I ‫didn't have to choose
‫between Matty and ‫Jake, but I wanted to.
‫And I finally knew ‫who it would be with.